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The Patrick Police (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
The Patrick Police (July 21, 2018) Synopsis - Spongebob hires Sandy to make sure Patrick does not get into trouble while he is away on a vacation. Characters Spongebob Squarepants Patrick Star Gary The Snail Squidward Tentacles Sandy Cheeks Disappointed Surfers JKL (cameo) Old Man Jenkins Sea Urchins The Story The story begins with Spongebob & Gary walking to Patrick’s rock. SPONGEBOB: Ready for that vacation to the Bahamas Gary?! I sure am! GARY: Meow SPONGEBOB: What do you mean I’m too afraid to step on a jet airliner?! I don’t even recall the last time I threw up during! Gary shows a picture of Spongebob hurling all over a Flight Attendant from a plane ride he took last year. SPONGEBOB: The flight… Spongebob shrugs & he & Gary arrive at their destination. They open the rock & much to their shock find Patrick nailed to the wall with staples. PATRICK: Oh hey Spongebob! Hey Gary! I um uh, am in a bit of a jam here. SPONGEBOB: Patrick, how many times do I have to remind you? Don’t play with the stapler! Spongebob removes the staples & frees his friend. PATRICK: I’m sorry Spongebob, but I was bored, & I saw the stapler, and… I just couldn’t help myself! SPONGEBOB: Whatever PATRICK: So.. are you ready for your vacation! I sure am! SPONGEBOB: Uh Patrick, it's just for me & Gary, you hate air travel remember? PATRICK: No I don’t! That is such a fabrication! Gary rolls his eyes & takes out another picture, this time showing Patrick angrily assaulting the same flight attendant Spongebob threw up on, with a piece of driftwood. PATRICK (looking at the photo): Who’s the angry monster disrupting that flight? The rock opens again & this time Squidward enters, and he is not in a good mood. PATRICK: Oh hey Squidward! SQUIDWARD: Don’t hey Squidward me! Where is my TV?! PATRICK: I um don’t know what you’re talking about? SQUIDWARD: Don’t play stupid! I know you stole my TV! You megalomaniac! PATRICK: Oh come on! Your TV has Hulu & Netflix! All mine has is stupid On Demand! SQUIDWARD: GIVE ME BACK MY TV!!! Patrick sighs & finally returns a big flat screen to Squidward. Squidward leaves back to his house grunting angrily. SPONGEBOB: Patrick! You shouldn’t steal Squidward’s belongings! Even if Hulu & Netflix so beat On Demand! PATRICK: Stupid On Demand! Might as well go back to VHS while I’m at it! SPONGEBOB: I have noticed that you have been getting into so much trouble recently, from disrupting air flights, to stealing Squidward’s stuff, & even going as far as stapling yourself to the wall. So I will hire a friend to watch you, while Gary & I enjoy our time at the Bahamas. PATRICK: What does Bahamas mean? The scene cuts to the next day. Spongebob & Gary enter their taxi. Patrick is still antsy with questions. PATRICK: Spongebob? When’s the nanny going to be here? SPONGEBOB: Nanny? But it’s only a friend! You’re not a kid Patrick. PATRICK: I’m still one mentally! Spongebob & Gary drive off. Another taxi pulls up & exiting it is Sandy. PATRICK: Sandy? SANDY: Howdy Patrick! I am ready to watch & keep you out of trouble! Patrick has a blank stare for a moment, before erupting & falling to the ground in laughter. SANDY: Something funny about that? PATRICK: Oh sorry, I just remembered watching a funny home video of Squidward doing the disco in the 80’s, that I stole from his 80’s collection! SANDY: Right…. Well let’s get started. The scene cuts to Sandy setting up a board game in Patrick’s rock. SANDY: Okay Patrick! Are you ready for some good ol’ Eels & Escalators?! PATRICK: But I already beaten that game 12 times. SANDY: Okay um… how about The Flying Dutchman’s Treasure Map? PATRICK: I sold it at an auction. SANDY: Hmmm…. Candy Land? PATRICK: But that’s for five year olds! And I am mentally six! SANDY: Well I don’t know what else to tell you Patrick? PATRICK: I don’t prefer board games anymore anyways. Its 2018! I now have games on my smartphone! Patrick pulls it out & opens up an app. PATRICK: My favorite is Candy Crush! SANDY: Patrick, you need to stay off the technology. It rots the brain. PATRICK: Awww! Patrick sits on the ground. PATRICK: I’m bored! SANDY: Well let's do something then. How about go to the beach? PATRICK: I’ll get sunburn. SANDY: Biking? PATRICK: I need to lose 80 lbs for that. And that ain’t happening overnight! SANDY: Well what do you think then? PATRICK: I got it! The arcade! SANDY: Nope, its technology! PATRICK: Okay, how about the playground? There’s this kid I need to race on the monkey bars! SANDY: You’re a grown man Patrick, are you serious? PATRICK: Not mentally! Sandy faces another direction, trying to come up with something to do. She then gets an idea. SANDY: I got it! Let’s go waterboarding! It’s not exercising! No technology behind it! And grown adults like us can do it! What do you think Patrick? Patrick? Patrick?! Sandy sees the rock wide open & Patrick nowhere in sight. SANDY: Oh fish paste! Sandy runs out of the rock & has already failed in her duties to fully watch Patrick. She then gets a phone call. SANDY: Hello? Spongebob is relaxing on a beach at the Bahamas. SPONGEBOB: So Sandy? How’s the Patrick watch doing? SANDY: Oh um! Just dandy! He’s a chip off the old block! SPONGEBOB: Splendid! And in case if you were wondering, the Bahamas are beautiful! And Gary has won a surfing contest. Gary proudly stands & smiles on a pedestal with a first place trophy while other surfers bow their heads in shame. JKL, who previously helped defeat the Big One, stands in shock. JKL: This is so not awesome. Spongebob applies some sunscreen to his nose. SPONGEBOB: Just update me if things get out of hand! Okay bye! Spongebob hangs up & finishes applying the sunscreen to his nose. He then feels a burning sensation. SPONGEBOB: Ow! Hey! Why does this sting so much?! Spongebob looks at his sunscreen bottle, or so he thought. SPONGEBOB: “Sunburn Screen?!” Sandy desperately searches Conch Street. She looks under sewer covers, through the kelp vines, a cesspool full of chum, & even in an old bathtub. An old man rises out of it, OLD MAN JENKINS: Hey! Get your own bathtub! Sandy sits by a rock, all hope lost. SANDY: I can’t believe I stupidly let Patrick out of my sight! And where could he have possibly gone? Wait a second! WAIT A SECOND! Sandy rushes to Squidward’s house. She peeks inside & finds Patrick lounging on Squidward’s couch, watching TV. SANDY: Should’ve known! Sandy barges into the eastern island head. SANDY: PATRICK! PATRICK: That’s Professor Star to you, you backstabbing criminal! SANDY: What the?! What are you talking about?! PATRICK: Oh wait…. it's just you Sandy! Don’t mind me! Just surfing Hulu! SANDY: Patrick! Come back to the rock now! You shouldn’t just use Squidward’s house as if it was your personal pad! PATRICK: But my rock is so boring! And it’s full of sea urchins! A shot of Patrick’s living room is shown. A wave of sea urchins flood in & begin eating up all of his furniture. SANDY: Patrick! Just please leave Squiddy’s house. For me? PATRICK: But! Sandy gives Patrick a “puppy dog eye” look. Patrick tries to argue, but eventually he gives in. PATRICK: Fine… fine… you are right. I shouldn’t have done that. SANDY: Good Squidward then walks into his house with a paper bag full of organic groceries. He drops them in shock when noticing Patrick & Sandy. SQUIDWARD: Intruders! SANDY: RUN!!! PATRICK: SPRINT!!! Sandy & Patrick escape just in time by smashing right through Squidward’s back window. The scene cuts to Patrick & Sandy just outside the rock. After exterminating every sea urchin out of there, they finally rest. PATRICK: We did it! SANDY: Yes we did! PATRICK: You know, as much as I was a pain in the hindquarters, and that you did not have fun in searching for me. I did have fun with you Sandy, I truly mean it. SANDY: Thanks Patrick. Only true friends stick by you! PATRICK: Yeah! And smashing through Squidward’s window was awesome! A taxi then pulls up. Gary exits & following is Spongebob, coated in sunburn & looking like a tomato. They have finished their Bahamas Vacation very prematurely. SANDY: Um, how did you? SPONGEBOB: Long story Patrick continues to be mesmerized by Spongebob’s extreme sunburn. Suddenly, he feels a tap on his shoulder & turns to see Squidward. SQUIDWARD: You better get started fixing up my window! You have a lot to owe me tubby! PATRICK: Tubby? Who you callin Tubby?! SQUIDWARD: YOU!!! Squidward takes out a piece of driftwood & pats it on his tentacle hand. Patrick stares in shock & rushes off. PATRICK: I’ll get right on it! Sandy pursues her starfish friend. SANDY: As will I! Category:SquidwardTentacles35